


But Why Can You See Me?

by Idzzdi



Series: Seeing You [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Getting Back Together, Hospitals, M/M, Sequel, Sickfic, still don't know how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-06
Updated: 2014-02-06
Packaged: 2018-01-11 10:05:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1171771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idzzdi/pseuds/Idzzdi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sequel everyone has been asking for..</p><p>“Right, you're doing it again,” Niall says with a huff. Harry looks up. “You're starring at him,” he clarifies and raises an eyebrow at Harry.<br/>“He has every reason to,” Louis says, but that goes unnoticed by Niall. “I'm fabulous.”<br/>A small smile curls Harry's lips upwards and Niall only scowls at him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But Why Can You See Me?

**Author's Note:**

> DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE FIRST PART! IT WILL MAKE NO SENSE, BELIEVE ME :)
> 
> Just so we're all on the same page after the first part, because there's been some confusion: Harry has had the surgery, but it wasn't successful. Louis is back which means the tumor isn't gone.

They're sitting on Harry's bed and Louis has his toes pressed up against Harry's thigh. His feet are sockless and cold even through the material of Harry's jeans.

“Sorry,” Louis mumbles, like he knows what Harry's feeling as he shifts his leg. He keeps his feet where they are though and bites his lip, his gaze focused on the chessboard in between them. Harry watches him for a while, biting his own lip as he already tries to think about his next move, only interrupted by Niall's prodding fingers,

“Right, you're doing it again,” he says with a huff. Harry looks up. “You're starring at him,” Niall clarifies and raises an eyebrow at Harry.

“He has every reason to,” Louis says, but that goes unnoticed by Niall. “I'm fabulous.”

A small smile curls Harry's lips upwards and Niall only scowls at him.

“He said something inappropriate, didn't he?” he suspects and isn't too far off, because that's what Louis does most of the time. Preferably when they're not alone.

“He did not,” says Harry though, to calm his friend.

“Not this time,” Louis adds and he's right on grinning at Harry now, the game of chess long forgotten.

“Anyway, about Zayn, yeah?” Niall picks up, like they've just had a conversation about him.

“What about him?” Harry asks, nudging Louis' foot with his thigh to encourage him to keep playing. The older boy does and Harry half watches him and half watches Niall.

“So he's talking about this girl, eh. Perrie something, I think. Taking her out and all.”

“So?” Harry asks then, as the silence drags on for too long.

“So?” Niall splutters, his eyes going wide. “ _So?_ It's one of us _actually_ dating a girl, how rad is that?” Harry snorts at that.

Louis moves his queen which goes along perfectly with what Harry had in mind. He moves his knight across the board and grins at the smaller boy.

“Check,” he says quietly, a habit he picked up for the time that Louis is with him around other people. Talking to your imaginary boyfriend quietly doesn't seem quiet as bad as doing it full on. Not that it really changes anything.

“Oh yeah, right!” Niall huffs again, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Only because you've been in a relationship with your fucked up brain, doesn't mean other people can't appreciate real relationships.”

“Fuck off,” Harry mutters, pushing Niall's arm, but there's a smile on both of their faces. There isn't, however, on Louis' face.

“Our relationship is real,” he protests. “Tell him it's real.”

“You know, Louis' and mine relationship is real, yeah?” Harry says, because he's a good boyfriend.

“He told you to say that, didn't he?” Niall suspects and then they're both laughing again, while the smaller boy keeps huffing and glares at the both of them.

“Stop glaring, love,” Harry says, nudging Louis' foot again. “He can't even see you. Also,” he pauses and moves his bishop “check mate.”

Louis gives the chessboard an unimpressed look and gets up. “I hate you,” he says and doesn't mean it as he saunters off and disappears from the room.

“You do know you just played chess against yourself, yeah?” Niall prods after a moment, moving around on the bed to lean against the head. “You were only ever moving the white chess pieces and now you're claiming you won.”

Harry looks back down at the board. The black pieces were moved, he can _see_ it. His brain really is fucked up.

He looks up and meets Niall's gaze, shrugging at him. The other boy furrows his brows at him and Harry lowers his eyes, shifting around as well so they're sitting side by side, their thighs pressed together.

“He still here?” Niall asks gazing around the room carefully. Harry wonders why they're still doing it, him and Zayn. They always turn to look like they expect to suddenly see Louis sometime. Harry really kind of likes that.

Niall raises his eyebrows and pulls Harry from his thoughts. He shakes his head and adds “Sore loser,” and they both grin.

Niall throws an arm around his shoulders and combs his fingers through Harry's short curls. They're finally growing back after the surgery and are at a really awkward length right now, but Louis says he's still beautiful, so that's okay.

Not a lot has changed since the surgery, Harry thinks. His hair is shorter now, yeah, but it will grow back and then he's back to his old self.

Niall and Zayn know about Louis now and they kind of hang out together. Well, they do as much as they can with Louis being invisible to them and all. It's all kind of awkward. Or it was at least, in the beginning when Zayn and Niall didn't know how to behave and _God_ , Harry knew the least of all of them. Louis seemed to adjust rather quickly, taking a liking in distracting Harry as much as possible and making him seem like a maniac in front of his friends and innocent bystanders.

The only person Louis manages to behave around is Harry's mother. They never really talked about it, but of course Louis knows that Harry never told her about Louis not being gone. The doctors were so convinced that the surgery was a success that Harry just couldn't tell his mother that Louis, and therefore the tumor, were in fact not gone. It's all a little messed up with Niall and Zayn being the only people who know, but that's two more than there were before (excluding Harry and probably Louis, who didn't know what was going on themselves).

He doesn't go to see Liam anymore. Of course he doesn't, because for all the doctors and his mom know, his problem is gone now. Harry misses Liam though. It was good talking to him and getting stuff of chest, like he couldn't really with anyone else. It's better this way though he tells himself, because Liam can't know Louis is still there. If he knew, he'd make Harry get another surgery and Harry can absolutely not lose Louis. He _can't_.

Niall tugs on Harry's hair a bit and pulls him back into reality.

“So I've been meaning to ask you something,” he says and Harry blinks at him a few times, then nods slowly for the boy to go on. “About.. Louis.”

“Yeah,” Harry rasps and clears his throat.

“Zayn and I have been talking and.. we're, like- we don't think he's bad or anything, we just. We're worried?” he sounds unsure, his fingers grazing Harry's neck lightly, like he's not sure if he's allowed to touch.

“About what?” Harry asks, feeling the urge to clear his throat again, but he doesn't.

“Well.. Louis is still a.. a tumor, you know. And you're Zayn's and my best mate, we just don't want you to.. we don't want anything bad to happen. Just-” he sighs and tugs Harry a little closer.

“You don't like him,” Harry states and it comes out a lot more accusingly than he means for it to.

“No, God no!” Niall says quickly, looking Harry in the eyes, pleadingly. “He's a great guy. I mean, with you. You seem so.. _happy_.”

“I am happy,” says Harry.

“And, well, Zayn and I want you to be happy, just- we also don't want you dieing anytime soon.”

They're both silent for a while and Harry has to swallow a few times to get rid of the lump in his throat. His arms feel heavy all the sudden, tucked in beside Niall.

“Look, I-” he begins, blinking hard against the tears forming in his eyes. “I don't _want_ to die. It's just that- _Louis_ makes me happy. And I want to be happy, is all. You want me to be happy, don't you?”

“I want you to live, Haz,” Niall says softly, shifting around a bit so they're more face to face, his arm still wrapped around Harry's shoulders.

“So you'd rather have me live and be miserable instead of being with Louis?” Harry sniffs, tears forming in his eyes again. He isn't even sad, he's just frustrated. Frustrated with Niall for bringing this up, frustrated with the situation and frustrated with himself for falling in love with the only person he couldn't possibly ever be with.

“I want you to live and be happy,” Niall says, wiping over Harry's cheeks as the tears start falling down.

“But you mostly just want me to live. That's so selfish Niall, honestly!” he hiccups and he wants to be angry, but much more he's still only frustrated.

“Haz,” Niall says again, pulling Harry in and hugging him at an awkward angel. Harry sobs against his shoulder, trying to tell him that he just can't leave Louis, but his speech is slurred and he's not sure Niall understands what he is saying.

“I'm sorry,” Harry says a few minutes later, his voice still shaky. “But,” he hiccups, “You're my second favorite person in the world and I-” hiccup “I need you to support me in this.”

Niall pulls back a bit and wipes away a few more of Harry's tears. He's good at that.

“Second favorite?” he asks then, nudging Harry's cheek lightly. “Where's Zayn then?”

“He's second, also. Don't get ahead of yourself.” His smile is small and crocked, but Niall grins back broadly, so that's okay.

“Shame, and I thought being Irish would get me a few extra points.”

“You're ridiculous,” Harry tells him with a teary chuckle and Niall pulls him in again.

“I know,” he mumbles, his hands pressed on Harry's back pulling him even closer. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up.”

“It's okay,” Harry tells him even though it's not and if he cries some more after that then no one has to know.

 

~

 

Niall leaves eventually and for the rest of the day Harry doesn't do much else. He stays in his room even though his mother offers dinner, and he tells her he's not hungry. It's no lie, he really doesn't feel like his stomach would do good with the heavy weight of roast beef he can smell from downstairs.

He watches some TV and hits the refresh button on his Facebook too many times before he decides that there's just nothing interesting going on tonight so he heads to bed early.

As usual Louis shows up as Harry slides under the covers, just about ready to turn off the lights. The older boy slips in next to him, already in only his boxers, carefully scooting closer towards Harry.

“Everything okay?” he asks and Harry only shrugs, because his head hurts and he feels like if he talks he's just going to cry again. Silence is better than crying.

Unfortunately Louis doesn't seem to think so.

“Is this about what happened with Niall earlier?” he asks and Harry keeps his face carefully blank. Of course Louis knows about that, Louis always _knows_ but Harry really wishes that sometimes he wouldn't.

“But I do know, love. So tell me what's up.” Louis says as answer to Harry's thoughts and _why does Harry even bother speaking out loud anymore?_ Louis doesn't comment on that, but only stays silent, waiting for Harry to talk.

“You're not gonna leave me, are you? Like, ever,” Harry asks tentatively, opening his arms for Louis to crawl into. The boy follows and cuddles against Harry's chest, kissing the naked skin just below his collar bone lightly.

“I suppose that's up to you to decide,” he says, glancing up at Harry through his fringe.

“You don't.. want me to let you go. Do you?”

Louis hums at that and Harry's not sure what it's supposed to mean. They keep their gazes fixed on each other and Harry tries to read the faint glow in Louis' eyes.

“I love you,” he says after a while, running a hand up Harry's chest. “I want whatever's best for _you_.”

“Then I'm afraid you'll have to stay,” Harry says with a tired sort of crocked smile, nudging Louis' side. The boy doesn't squirm or yelp like Harry expected him to, so he knows the conversation is not quite over yet.

“But is that really best for you?” Louis asks, blinking a few times and Harry reaches up to run a hand through his hair.

“Of course it is, love. I wouldn't wanna live without you.”

“Well. With me you're not gonna live for much longer, are you?”

“I don't care as long as the time I do have, is spent with you,” Harry says earnestly, but Louis pulls a face.

“Don't say that,” he says, sounding incredibly sad. “I'd rather you-”

“No, hush,” Harry talks over him, pressing his left index finger against Louis' lips. “I don't even know why we're having this conversation. It's you and me. Just like it has been before the surgery and just like it has been since. And it's going to be for however long it lasts. End of discussion.”

“But Harry-” Louis starts, but Harry only presses his index down more firmly and Louis silences after a while.

“Now sleep,” Harry instructs, pressing a light kiss against Louis lips before letting him settle against his chest. Louis wraps his arms around Harry's torso and rests his check against Harry's chest. Their favorite sleeping position.

It's quiet for a while and Harry is halfway gone into dream land when he feels Louis shift his head against his chest.

“Just so you know.. If you decided to live.. I'd support you every step of the way.”

 

~

 

A couple days later schools starts back up again after the break and Harry has to go along with Niall and Zayn. The medical certificate the doctors had sent to the school had only gotten Harry out of school for about two weeks before the break. Niall kept telling him how sucky that was and that having to stay home and let his head rest all through summer ruined Harry's break, but to he honest he was glad he didn't miss too much at school. He wanted to stay in the same class as Zayn and Niall and being gone for too long would risk him having to repeat a year.

So now they're all in year twelve, their last year before college, and Harry thinks it should be more exciting starting their final year than it actually is.

“Well, at least we've got English together, again,” Zayn sighs as they all pick up their schedules. With Zayn being into arts and Niall being into music and Harry not really knowing what he's into, their schedules hardly ever line up. English and sometimes math seems to be the only subject they ever get together.

The day drags on as Harry shuffles through classes, having to cope with too enthusiastic teachers and fellow students welcoming him back for the new year when he'd much rather be at home with Louis.

After loads of arguing and begging, reasoning and maybe some sucking cock Louis finally agreed to leave Harry alone for the time he is at school. Harry knows he can't appear to be talking to somebody imaginary at school and up until yesterday he really thought this was a great plan. School in the morning. Louis time in the afternoon.

It's just that Louis clung to him needily this morning, barely letting Harry crawl out of bed and looking at him with big sad eyes that read betrayal all over them.

“Go back to sleep,” Harry had said. “I'll be back before you know it.”

Louis had still only scolded at him and barely halfway through his school day now Harry can feel the same frustration he had seen on Louis' face this morning. To make things worse he can also feel the headache slowly coming back. It's still there whenever he's not around Louis and lately even sometimes when he is.

Shortly after his surgery Harry used to chuck pain killers like crazy, thinking that something was wrong, because he had never before been with Louis and still had a headache. But it has become a common thing and Harry can't really ask anybody about it without admitting that Louis is still there, so he rather keeps quiet, suffering through in on his own and letting Louis kiss his forehead softly whenever he is within reach.

Unfortunately he is not right now and Harry's day is getting shittier and shittier.

By the time the final bell rings he's more than done for the day and plans on going straight to bed once he gets home to sleep the stupid headache off. He gets lost twice on the way to his locker which is more than a littler weird but he tries to shake it off when he sees Niall and Zayn standing by the locker, talking to each other.

“Hey mate,” Niall greets, stepping aside so Harry can punch in his code to get his books.

“You alright?” Zayn mumbles, catching a look at the deep frown on Harry's face.

“Headache,” he mutters back, having trouble pulling out the books and holding up his bag at the same time. From the corner of his eyes he can see Zayn and Niall share a look.

“Well,” Niall hesitates. “We were gonna get burgers, but looks like we're just gonna get you home first and go another time maybe?”

Harry sighs. He wants to go with them. Now. He wants to be normal and have a normal boyfriend and no headache and no _fucking_ tumor.

He also wants to say that it's fine, that he'll come along for a while, but his headache is getting so bad the letters on the book he's holding are starting to get blurry.

“I'm sorry,” he says resignedly.

“No, don't be silly. It's okay,” Zayn tells him and takes the last two books from his locker with ease, stuffing them in Harry's bag for him.

“Thanks,” Harry mutters, blinking hard against the tiny numbers on the lock of his locker as he closes it. He can feel his friends' worried glances on him, but he can't bring himself to meet their eyes.

They walked through the hallways together and exit the building into the bright sunlight of a late September afternoon. It's a nice day and Harry would absolutely _love_ to go for burgers right now. If his head wasn't killing him.

Just after they step outside Louis falls in step beside him, giving him a shy smile.

“It's not school anymore, I can be here right?” he asks, his eyes sparkly with curiosity, awaiting Harry's approval. He gives him a tiny nod and a small smile, letting him know that it's alright. Louis grabs his hand and Harry tilts his head to the side subtly to let the smaller boy kiss his cheek.

He's not subtle enough however and Zayn and Niall have been around him and Louis enough times to know why Harry's fingers are cramped in an awkward half opened half closed position and his cheek is tilted to the side.

“Hey Louis,” Niall says lightly, barely looking up. Zayn turns his head however, taking one quick look at Harry's hand a smile curls up the sides of his lips.

“Lewis,” he says and mock salutes him.

Next to Harry, the tiny boy splutters.

“I'll have you know your friends are quite rude!” he huffs, squeezing Harry's hand.

“I'm sorry, love,” he says quietly, keeping his eyes fixed at Zayn and Niall so it looks like he's talking to them. As Harry speaks, Zayn grins widely.

“That pissed him off, didn't it?” he asks, sounding proud of himself.

“Yes, it did,” Harry chuckles, running his free hand over his face, to rub his temples for a moment. His headache has subsided a little.

“Of course it fucking did, that _moron_ ,” Louis huffs and Harry laughs again.

“Secretly, he really loves you,” he tells Zayn and Niall, vaguely motioning towards his left where Louis is walking.

“Of course he does,” Niall agrees proudly and Zayn only grins.

“I absolutely do not,” Louis protests uselessly. He lets go of Harry's hand and spins around to walk backwards in front of him, pointing at his chest. “You are the absolutely worst boyfriend I have.”

“I'm also the _only_ one, so shut up, I know you love me best,” Harry shoots back with a smirk, pulling Louis back around and tucks him under his arm. It probably looks really ridiculous to Zayn and Niall.

“You two are so cute, it's disgusting, honestly,” Zayn tells them when they reach the corner where they usually part ways. Harry takes a left and Zayn and Niall walk another block together before they part ways there.

“Are you okay to go by yourself, today?” Niall asks, looking down the way Harry has to walk. “With Louis, I mean,” he adds hastily, worrying his bottom lip.

“Yeah, the headache is better already,” Harry says, ignoring the way Louis huffs angrily at him for being forgotten by his friends and the ignored by his boyfriend.

“Okay,” Zayn says tentatively, shrugging at Niall. “Text when you get home, yeah?”

“Yes, sure,” Harry agrees. “Burgers tomorrow, maybe?”

Niall grins up at him. “Sounds perfect. See you tomorrow, then.” He bids them both farewell and they all hug, Zayn and Niall doing an awkward little wave in the general direction of where they suspect Louis.

Once Harry and Louis fall back into step, Harry pulls out his phone and pushes it up to his ear.

“You do know you look weird doing that, right?” Louis asks him, a crooked grin on his face.

“Well I look even weirder talking to myself, so,” Harry hisses back, adjusting the phone a bit.

“Maybe I should get you one of those in-ear phone thingys for Christmas. You could be all business man like,” Louis is smirking now, clearly taking the piss. Harry rolls his eyes.

“Anything you get me is probably invisible as well, so where's the point?” he snarls and Louis huffs at him.

“Well, did you at least turn it on silent _this time_?” he asks dramatically and Harry only glares at him. (He'd much rather not remember the one majorly embarrassing time Louis and him had been out in the park this summer and Harry used his phone just like this time to not appear maniac to the people around. Unfortunately that time his mom had called him and he got about twenty weird looks for pretending to be on the phone, probably assuming that he was just trying to look cool. Louis had been rolling on the floor with hysterical laughter shaking through his whole body. Harry'd much rather not have a repeat of that happen.)

“So,” Louis prompts after they've walked on silence for a while. “Burgers with Niall and Zayn tomorrow, huh?” Harry looks at him expectantly.

“So?” he asks, not really sure what Louis is after.

“Well, when was the last time you and I had burgers together?”

“You're welcome to come along as long as you behave,” Harry offers right away, reaching out with his phone free hand to tangle their fingers together.

“No, I mean- _You_ and _me_. As in _just_ you and me.”

“Oh,” Harry replies helplessly. “But, Lou you know how it is, I- I can't just take you to a restaurant like that.” Louis hums quietly. “I want to do that. I really, really want to, you know that, right? And you know that if I could..”

“I know,” the smaller boy mumbles. Harry is tugging him closer again, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek, like he usually doesn't do in public. But they're mostly alone on the street and nearly home anyways so Harry lets it slide.

Louis' face brightens up a tiny bit, but there's still a deep frown on his forehead, his eyes' glow dull and dark.

“Hey,” Harry says quietly, stuffing his phone away, giving up on the pretense. Louis looks confused. Harry only squeezes their hands tighter together and bumps Louis shoulder with his own affectionately. “How about, tonight,” he prompts and waits until Louis is looking up at him. “Tonight, we're doing the whole date thing. I'll go shopping and cook us something nice and then I'll cuddle you through a movie and if you're being good I might let you take me to bed.” He wiggles his eyebrows a little inappropriately, but his words sure do the trick and Louis' face brightens up.

“Can I come when you go to the store?”

“Can you behave?”

“'Course I can,” Louis agrees hastily, plastering an innocent smile across his face.

“You'll start a striptease down the candy isle, won't you? Do something really inappropriate to get me in trouble,” Harry says, a lightly accusing tone in his voice. He's grinning though and Louis grinning back, so it's set.

 

~

 

Two hours later Louis is bouncing around in the passenger seat like a child on its birthday and he's grinning from ear to ear as Harry only rolls his eyes.

“ _Please_ , try to act a little normal,” he begs, rubbing his temples because the headache is back. It makes him dizzy. Louis shoots him a look but doesn't say anything for the rest of their ride.

When they get to the store Harry has trouble not losing Louis before they even get inside. Harry gets a cart and takes out his phone to press to his ear as they walk down the isles.

“Can we make pizza?” Louis asks excitedly, tugging on Harry sleeve.

“Sure,” Harry hums in the phone, trying to ignore the way the pain shoots through his head when he moves his jar too much.

“Wait, no, you should make lasagne! Or those fish noodles you made the other day, they were perfect!” Louis exclaims, fiddling with his hands and biting his nail restlessly. “I can't decide.”

Harry nods again and hums because, _fuck,_ his head, but he promised Louis this so he'll have to pull it together.

“You okay?” Louis asks half distracted by pack of chocolate he's trying to reach for.

“Yeah,” Harry mumbles, blinking against the dizziness and reaching over Louis' head to get him the chocolate he wants.

“Can we melt it and dip strawberrys in it?”

“'Course, love,” Harry says with a smile. It feels a lot more forced than it should. “You can go get fruits and I'll get the other things we need. It'll be a surprise.”

Louis lights up like a Christmas tree and kisses Harry's lips excitedly. Harry would argue with that because he surely looks weird kissing the air, but arguing means speaking and his head is not up to that. So he ushers Louis away, puts his phone in his pocket and slowly pushes the cart with him as he collects the ingredients for a simple pizza. He would love to make lasagne or anything else that requires a little more cooking skills than spreading peperoni and cheese over bought pizza dough, but not tonight. Not with his head burning like fire and every single nerve cell screaming at him.

It's all a bit much.

He's starting to feel dizzy again and is thankful for the cart to lean onto as he pushes it over to the fruits section where he suspects Louis to be. He finds the boy bowed over a tray of peaches, poking at them with his fingers.

“Those don't look quite ripe yet, what do you think?” Louis asks him without even looking up. Harry turns his attention towards the peaches and has to blink hard to focus on them.

“Uh,” he drawls, “Whatever you say, Lou. Look, have you got everything, I-?” he has to stop and blink hard again. Louis is looking at him helplessly.

“Harry?”

Harry blinks again and then Louis is gone. He stares for a moment of wild panic, clutching his hands hard around the handle on the cart.

“Louis?” he asks, blinking again and Louis is back.

“Harry, what is-”

“Oh my God, Louis!” Harry exclaims in relief, stumbling forwards. His vision goes blurry and when he blinks to get it focused again Louis is gone.

“Louis?” he calls again, turning hectically, blinking for the boy to come back, but nothing happens.

“Sir?” somebody to his left asks, a shop assistant Harry assumes, but he can't _see_ , it's all so blurry. “Sir, are you feeling alright?”

“Louis?” Harry yells again, reaching blindly for the boy, stumbling hard and blinking against the tears forming in his eyes.

“Harry?” he hears Louis ask and spins around to see the small boy standing right where he disappeared before. He looks a little confused and even tinier than before. Harry sobs in relief and stumbles forward again, Louis opens his arms as if to catch him, but Harry blinks and again and Louis is gone.

Harry hits the ground hard just before everything goes black.

 

~

 

When Harry wakes up a wave of things crash down on him. He doesn't even know what to feel first because his body feels so overfed with signals he doesn't know where left and right is.

There's bright light even though his eyes are closed and there's different smells all so distinct, but Harry can't name them. And then there's hands on his body, on his legs and on his hands, on his face. The noise in the background is the worst, nonrhythmic beeping and deafening silence. The pressure on his chest his heavy but, _God,_ his _head_. And if he ever though he knew what a headache felt like he's not sure what he's feeling right now. It feels like his skull is cut open.

So going back to sleep seems like the easier option.

 

~

 

When he wakes up a second time he's pretty sure his skull is cut open a bit more. The pain is still unbearable and the silence is there again and the touching, too. The light is not as bright though, so he risks opening one of his eyes the tiniest bit, even though it takes a whole lot more effort than it should.

The room around him is dark enough for Harry to barely see anything but still blinding in a way. He blinks his eyes open slowly but realizes that his right eye is bandaged. He tries to lift his hand to remove the cover, but his arms feel incredibly heavy.

When his eyes - or his one good eye - fall down to his hands he sees a dark figured spread across his lap. The sheets are painfully white against the figure's dark hair and Harry thinks this is either heaven or a hospital. But judging from the way his head still throbs painfully and the lack of angels flitting around with harps, he figures it must be a hospital.

Not the first time he wound up in one of those.

It takes all the energy he can muster up to move his left hand the littlest bit. His right hand is still caught underneath the sleeping figure's head, and it's starting to feel funny and tingle a bit. He wants to pull it away, to touch the head and push it away, but he everything feels so heavy again.

And before he knows it he drops of into dream land again.

 

~

 

The third time he wakes, it's because somebody is repeatedly stroking his head. The touch is light, but it stings anyway.

“Harry baby,” a soft voice mumbles and Harry wants to smile, but if feels like too much effort. “I love you, my baby, but this isn't funny anymore. It's been three days and mommy is worried. Can you please just-” A soft chocking sound. “Can you please wake up for mommy, yeah? I love you so much, baby.”

“But I am awake, mom,” Harry wants to say. “I am awake, I'm right here. I love you, too.” It doesn't come out quite that way, but instead he chokes a little bit, coughing painfully.

“Oh, no,” his mom mumbles and Harry wants to tell her not to worry.

“It's okay,” he thinks. “I'm fine as long as you are fine. As long as Louis is fine.”

 _Louis_.

He opens his eyes at that but the light is too bright and one of his eyes is still patched up. He blinks heavily, trying to focus on the figure hovering about his face.

“Harry?” she asks, reaching to touch his cheek. His head still hurts like fuck. “Oh God, Harry.” She sounds ecstatic and worried and she's gone for half a second and Harry wonders why, but soon after a nurse comes rushing in and they talk and Harry thinks he falls asleep again even though he only meant to rest his eyes for a moment.

 

~

 

It's touch and go a few more times. Harry wakes up barely long enough to look at somebody, but he gives his mom a half nod to let her know that he's _there_ and that it's okay.

The first time he's awake long enough to actually hold a conversation he asks for Niall and Zayn. He thinks it upsets his mom, but she tells him she's going to call them right away. But of course once they get there, Harry is fast asleep again.

They stay for a couple of hours though and Harry wakes again, to blink at them dizzily and squeeze their hands.

“Hey there, drama queen,” Zayn greets with a small smile.

“Hi,” Harry breathes quietly as to not startle his head too much. It still hurts pretty bad even though he thinks he heard the nurses tell his mom they would up the dose of his pain medication.

“How are you feeling?” Niall asks, not pausing long enough to let Harry answer. “We were so worried about you!”

Harry only blinks at him. “How long..?”

“Almost a week, Harry. A _week_. We've talked-” Niall says frantically, but Zayn stops him.

“All that matters is that you're fine now,” he says calmly, giving Harry's leg a gentle squeeze. Harry appreciates that. He appreciates all people who don't touch his head right now.

“What..?” he begins to ask and he's glad they understand. Zayn shoots Niall a worried glance, before he slowly starts to explain. “You were at a store. The one by the Victoria Park. And apparently you were having a panic attack or something like that. You.. collapsed. They took you in and.. I don't remember the fancy medical terms. Juts something about too much pressure in your brain and cutting you open again,” he sounds apologetic and Niall winces quietly next to him.

Harry opens his mouth for a moment, then licks his lips and closes it again. So they _did_ cut him back open. At least that explains the pain.

“Did they.. shave my hair?” he asks, lowering his eyes.

Zayn lets out a startled laugh. “I tell you they cut your head wide open and you're worried about your curls, honestly Haz!”

“It's just..” Harry gives him a small chuckle as well and then winces at the pain that strikes through his head. “Louis' not gonna like it.” There is silence for a while. “He says he doesn't mind, but I know he does. He likes the curls, he-”

“Haz,” Niall chokes, squeezing Harry's hand even harder. Everything is silent for a long while after that and Harry just stares at his friends, trying to figure out what's going on.

“Where is he?” Harry asks after a long pause and Zayn and Niall share another look.

“I'll go get some fresh air,” Niall chokes eventually, getting up and leaving the room without giving either of them another look. Harry blinks after him.

“Why is he so..?” he begins, but stops at the sour expression on Zayn's face.

“Why do you think he is? You almost _died_ Harry! You were this close to never coming back,” he says desperately, running a hand down his face. “And all of it only for.. for an imaginary boyfriend, Harry _fuck_. Of course he's upset, hell, I'm just as upset!”

They're quiet again for a while and Harry tries not to let his sadness show. “Louis' not just..” he begins, but his voice breaks and Zayn nods.

“No, of course, I know. I'm sorry.” He shrugs. “Doesn't matter now, does it?”

“What do you mean?” Harry asks, getting slightly alarmed.

“Well,” Zayn hesitates. He scoots a little closer towards Harry down the bed, their eyes fixed on one another. “Your skull was already open, so they.. they took the rest of tumor out along with it.”

“What-” Harry gasps, but Zayn talks right over him.

“It was only a small part and didn't raise the risks for the procedure.”

“You think that's what I'm worried about?”

“I'm sorry, Harry, you needed this. This is best for you and-”

“How did they know? How did they _know_ he was back? Nobody knew. Only you and, and Niall. You wouldn't- Why would you-? Zayn!” Harry hiccups, his breaths coming out unevenly. Zayn only scoots closer, placing a calming hand against Harry's chest.

“Harry, calm down. The pressure in your head was only there because of the tumor. They already knew something was wrong, they just didn't know what. And yes, they asked Niall and me, but what were we supposed to say?” He pauses for half a moment and Harry only violently shakes his head, reveling in the pain that shoots through his head because it's not even half as bad as the pain crushing his heart right now.

“We only told them, because wanted to what's best for you. They were gonna find out eventually. They were gonna do scans and all, we just saved you that time. You could have had permanent brain damage, Harry. You could've seriously gotten yourself hurt. Please, Haz, listen.”

“No,” Harry sobs, shaking his head again. He's struggling against Zayn's hand now and it's the most he's moved in almost a week. Everything hurts. But not nearly as bad as the possibility of never seeing Louis again.

“You,” he chokes, glaring at Zayn accusingly. “If I never see him again,” he starts and Zayn lowers his eyes.

“He's gone, Harry.”

“No, he's not!” He's breathing too fast and he knows it, but he can't bring himself to care. “He came back the last time. They said he couldn't, but he did.”

“No, Harry. They did an MRI. The tumor is gone.”

“No,” Harry sobs, trying to push himself up. “No. No! He can't. No!”

“Haz, please calm down, you're gonna hurt yours-”

“Shut up!” Harry yells and his head is throbbing worse than ever before, forcing the tears down his cheeks. “You! You took him away from me. You took _Louis_ away from me.”

“It was for your best, Harry,” Zayn says remarkably clam, which is only making Harry more angry.

“ _Fuck_ , it was not! And Niall knew that. I told him I'd rather be dead than to be without Louis.” He's still yelling and assumes that somebody is going to come look after them sooner or later. Zayn is still only looking at him, his eyes are soft but determined and it makes Harry so much more angry. How could Zayn possibly? How could Niall? They both knew he would haven never given Louis up for anything.

“I'll never forgive you for this,” he tells Zayn quietly. They're looks straight at each other and in his eyes Harry can see the way it breaks Zayn's heart.

 _Good_ , Harry thinks evilly. Zayn needs to know what it feels like to have something taken away from him that he'll never get back.

 

~

 

A nurse comes in soon after and gives Harry various forms of tranquilizer to calm his still rapidly beating heart and tries to talk him down from his crying fit. Zayn only sits next to the bed and looks helpless, torn between leaving and pulling Harry in for a hug.

When Niall returns a couple minutes later, knocking on the door tentatively but sending Harry right back into hives and shaking his fist at both boys, the nurse ushers them out before Harry rips the patch off his eye.

“See you, Hazza,” Niall mumbles as they slip out and he has guilt written all over his face.

“Not you won't,” Harry shouts after them or he tries to at least, his voice breaking painfully into a coughing fit.

“Now young man, do I need to sedate you or will you behave?” the nurse asks him with a raised finger, but sympathy in her eyes.

“Can you call my mom?” he asks pitifully, biting down on his lip.

“She's right outside, dear. If you lay back down, I'll get her for you,” the nurse promises and pushes Harry softly back down onto the mattress. He hadn't even realized that he was sitting up straight, clutching his fingers around the blanket.

When his mom finally comes in he's halfway asleep again. Exhausted from the crying and screaming and drowsy from the medicine the nurse gave him. He takes his mom's hand and pulls her closer so he can rest his head against her arm, which surely isn't a comfortable position for her, but she lets him.

“I'm so happy you're back, baby,” she mumbles, kissing his patched up eye very carefully.

“I wish I was dead,” Harry sighs back and gets himself a ticket right back into psychological therapy.

 

~

 

Harry has to stay in the hospital much longer after the surgery than he had to the last time. The doctors want to monitor him more closely and he gets scans done on a daily basis, which at first is the high light of Harry's day because the nurses taking him down to get his scans usually chat with him for quite a while, and that's fun.

His mom needed to get back to work and he told her explicitly that he wants neither Niall nor Zayn near his room, so the days get quite boring.

It's a Tuesday, a little over two weeks after his surgery and therapy is supposed to start today. After his lunch a nurse comes in, gives him another shot against the pain and the elevates him into a sitting position.

When she shuffles out and Liam walks in Harry's jaw nearly drops. It's _Liam_ and he has his file, flicking through it as he walks, a little frown on his forehead. He looks exactly like he looked when Harry went to see him on a regular basis.

It's kind of nice to see a familiar face.

Liam stops right in front of his bed and looks at him. Their eyes meet and Harry wishes they hadn't, because the look on Liam's face is one Harry never wished to see directed at him. His eyes are big and so, _so_ disappointed.

“Harry,” he says quietly and Harry feels the sudden urge to scoot over and let Liam climb into the hospital bed with him to cuddle the frown off his face.

“Hey,” Harry says with a week grin. “I'm back.”

“No offense, but I wish you weren't.”

“I know,” he mumbles, looking down at his hands. For the first time since he woke up after the surgery he feels guilty.

“You should have told me, Harry. Or your mom or any of the other doctors. You could be dead right now, I-”

“I know,” Harry says harshly. “You're not the first to tell me that.”

“Let's not talk about this, then,” he suggests, and takes a seat in the chair beside Harry's bed. Harry only blinks at him. “Right, so how've you been?”

“In the hospital, what do you think?”

“Somebody's a little moody.”

“ _Somebody_ had their life ripped apart and they soul mate _killed_ by his friends. I think somebody has every right to be as fucking moody as he'd like.” Harry is breathing heavily again, his heart rate going up and he can see Liam glancing towards the monitor beside his bed. He waits until Harry's heartbeat has calmed again before he speaks.

“So, you, Niall and Zayn are fighting then?”

“Do you know what they did? They knew I wasn't-” Harry gasps, but Liam interrupts him.

“I know what they did. But did you ever try to put yourself in their situation?” He speaks calmly and low, a careful hand resting on top of the duvet.

“Well, did they ever try to put themselves in _my_ situation?”

“How could they?” Liam asks back and Harry bites his tongue. This is such an unfair move from Liam, and he knows it. Harry only glares at him, trying to keep his glance icy and not let the tears filling up his eyes distract him.

“I think you're really sad, Harry,” Liam says as he watches the tears roll down Harry's cheek.

“Ding, ding, ding,” Harry mutters grimly. “We have a winner.”

Liam gives him a half smile. “Harry. I think you're sad. And you're mourning and that's okay. You lost somebody and that's never easy. You get to deal with it in any way that's best for you.” He pauses and fixes Harry with a stern look. “But you don't get to push your friends away. Even though it might not seem like it to you, they put _you_ before themselves. And they would do it again. You need them to do it again for you to get better.”

Harry gives him a quiet sniff and an unhappy look.

“They don't even know-” he starts to say and hiccups, his breath catching in his throat.

“No, they don't,” Liam agrees, rubbing Harry's leg through the blanket soothingly. “But you could tell them.”

“It's _their_ fault. They ki-”

“And maybe you should stop accusing them of killing Louis.” Liam taps his leg. “I _know_ you loved him, you probably still do, but you have to keep in mind that he wasn't real. Zayn and Niall chose a real life, _your_ life, over a life they never got to experience. To them Louis is this abstract figure, they've never even seen his face. How could you expect them to chose his life over their best friend's?”

“I don't, I just-” Harry starts and hiccups again, his body shaking with silent sobs. He's crying again and it should be a lot more embarrassing how much Harry has cried in the past week, but he's just.. sad. He tells Liam so and the older boy scoots a little closer, still rubbing Harry's leg affectionately.

“I know. I know,” he soothes, his eyes genuinely sad.

 

~

 

Harry doesn't do much the next couple of days until he is released from the hospital again. Liam comes by every day for his therapy session and Harry cries some more, even after Liam leaves. He remembers missing Liam, thinking that it'd be nice to get to chat to him again, but now that he does have the chance, he wishes he hadn't. Or that it were under different circumstances.

On the fourteen's day everything becomes even worse. The last time he had been to the hospital Louis had come back the night of the thirteen's day. But now it's the fourteen's already and Louis still isn't back.

It shouldn't come as a surprise, Zayn told him and all the doctors confirmed it. This time the tumor is gone for good. None of them seem to understand that it's also the love of Harry's life that's gone.

It's unbearably hard to focus on the good things happening, like Liam tells him to. They took the patch of his eyes a couple of days ago and the eyeball is bloodshot and Harry thinks he looks like a monster. It only gets worse when they take the bandage off his head to reveal his half shaven head. It looks ridiculous with the left half bold and the right half full of thick curls so Harry asks his mom to shave it for him. After she's done he cries some more, because his curls are gone and he is an ugly monster and there is no Louis.

Liam says to focus on the fact that he's alive and perfectly healthy after two head surgerys. When Harry tells him he'd rather be neither of those things Liam gives him a long look.

“And how do you think Louis would feel about you developing suicidal tendencies, huh?” he prompts, poking Harry's arm.

Harry shrugs and thinks that maybe Liam is right, Louis probably wouldn't like to see Harry in the state he is in. But then again, Louis also doesn't have to deal with having his soul mate ripped from his life.

He tries to think of it anyway, of the way Louis would want him to live, as often as possible. He even manages a small smile when the doctor tells him it's time to go home. He'll have to stay in bed for a little while longer, but at least he can be at home, so he takes it.

His mom is more than happy, fretting over him when she comes to pick him up. She brought him clothes that he changes into quietly and his mom looks the other way. Harry appreciates that.

“Harry, bug,” she begins after a while, her face still facing the window as Harry has a hard time doing up the buttons on his trousers. It's still hard to focus on things, but the doctors say it's normal. Harry tries not to hope it's not.

“Hm?” he hums back, telling her to go on.

“Uh, so. Niall and Zayn have been dropping by every day, bringing your uh, you school things. Homework and stuff.” She pauses for a moment, but Harry stays silent. “So.. so they wanted me to call whenever you.. were released, you know. Should I..?” she trails off and Harry fixes the last button on his trousers, sitting down with an exhausted sigh.

“Yeah, okay,” he says and his mom actually turn around at that.

“Okay?” she asks, her eyes going comically wide.

“Well, you know,” he shrugs. “Liam said, well.. just. Call them.”

She's still looking at him with wide eyes, but gets up to help him pull a shirt over his head, without jostling his head too much. Harry tries to ignore her curious looks and tells himself that he's only doing this because of Liam. Zayn and Niall should be thanking him.

He finishes getting dressed and his mom takes his bag, signs a few more papers for him and they're out of the hospital. He walks slower than usually, taking great care not to step down to harshly with his head still throbbing lightly. They gave him loads of pain medication and told him not to be hesitant to take them. He thinks he might pop two or so as soon as they get to the house.

As soon as they do though he gets distracted by the bright red Ford Fiesta parked in front of their house. The car looks so shitty Harry would recognize it anywhere.

He stares at it silently as his mom parks the car. She shoots him a look, blinking nervously.

“You said it was okay if I cal-”

“It is,” Harry ensures her, taking his eyes off Zayn's car in favor of grabbing his jacket and following his mom inside the house.

He drops his jacket in the doorway and toes off his shoes to head into the living room right away. He can hear Zayn's and Niall's quiet whispers coming from the room and clears his throat as he steps into the room. It kind of hurts his head. He should get those pain killers.

“Hey,” Niall breaths when Harry takes a step towards them, getting up himself. “God, Harry, how're you feeling?”

Harry doesn't know if looks as shitty as he feels or if Niall's asking because his head is shaven and you can barely miss the angry red scar near the top of Harry's head. He shrugs either way.

“Okay, I guess. How've you guys been?”

“Worried,” says Zayn, getting up as well and stepping towards Harry.

“And sorry,” Niall adds, joining the two and they're almost at reaching distance now. “We're really sorry, Haz. I know you told me you wouldn't want the surgery, but I could-” he stops all the sudden his breath going erratic, shaking his whole body.

“Calm, Ni,” Zayn tells him, squeezing his arm. Harry only stares at him, horrified by the panicked look in the blonde's eyes.

“Here,” Harry mutters as he takes another step forwards to reach for Niall's arm and pull him in. He hugs him tight and feels Niall's body tremble against his own. Reaching out with his other arm he pulls Zayn in as well.

“ _I_ 'm sorry,” he tells them, quietly whispered in the space between their bodies. “I was just sad and I know you didn't mean any harm. It's not your fault, I didn't mean what I said. I'm really sorry, I'm just.. so _sad_.” He hiccups as well and feels Niall's fingers dig into his back.

“It's okay. We understand. We're really sorry about.. Louis, you know,” Niall mutters against his neck and Harry feels his heart clench tightly.

“He was our friend too, Harry, you know that right?” Zayn asks, his fingers grazing the back of Harry's neck where they'd usually tug on his curls. “What I said at the hospital.. I was just really upset. I was _so_ worried about you.”

“It's okay,” Harry tells him again and he repeats a few more times after that just for good measure. They all hold each other for a long while and Harry cries again, but maybe this time he's not just sad. He's also happy he got both his friends back and if either of them shed a tear or two as well, then no one has to know.

 

~

 

Weeks pass in which Harry has to stay at home, mostly in his bed and sometimes on the sofa in the living room. Zayn and Niall come by every day after school and bring him his homework along with the latest gossip from their class. Apparently the girl he sits next to in Geography is pregnant now which is enough information to keep Niall talking for half an hour straight. Harry's mom usually kicks them out after an hour or two, saying that Harry needs to rest again, but Harry hates it.

The time he spends alone is boring, mostly because all he can do is his homework. He doesn't think he's ever been this hardworking in his life before. At least not for school. And it's really only because he's not allowed to watch TV or be on the computer and his mom only lets him have his phone for a couple minutes at a time.

“I'm not concussed, mom!” he tries to argue, but it's clearly the wrong thing to say.

“Exactly, young man. Your head was cut open! And now rest or I'll drug you until you sleep for the rest of the year.” She adds a little smile at the end, so Harry's not too worried about drinking from the glass of water she brings him to the bed.

A week later he _finally_ gets to go back to school - he never thought he'd ever say that, but at least now the days aren't so boring anymore. His mom still makes him stay at home to rest in the evenings and on the weekends.

When it's been five months and Harry yet has to spend a whole day outside the house, Zayn and Niall are making plans to take him out to the mall that weekend.

“But Mrs. Cox,” Zayn argues in a very sweet tone. “If he's fine to go back to school he's gonna survive a day at the mall with Niall and me.”

“Absolutely not,” Harry's mom says, placing her hands on her hips.

“Half a day?” Zayn asks, tilting his ridiculous cheek bones in just the right angel and batting his eyelashes like he's flirting for free drinks. Harry has seen him do that successfully before.

“Please, Harry's mom,” Niall adds with innocent wide eyes and well, Harry's mom is not made out of stone, is she?

So on the next Sunday Harry is sitting in Zayn's trashy car, complaining about Niall's choice of music, but is secretly more than happy to get out of the house. He didn't miss it too much those past months, still exhausted from the surgery and his head still too caught up with Louis. He's had a lot of time to think things over and maybe he wouldn't have grieved for so endlessly long if he'd gotten more chances to distract himself, but at least he's fine now. Or so he tells himself, because it's been too many months for people to understand.

In the beginning of course, everybody had been there for him to help, to comfort and to distract. But after a couple of weeks Harry soon realized everybody just kind of expected him to move on. So he tries to, telling himself over and over again that Louis never was real.

By now he's not really sure if he's actually over Louis and over his death or if he's just playing a convincing enough role to not only deceive Niall and Zayn, but also himself. Either way he has half a smile on his face as they get to the mall and that's a lot more happiness than he'd felt those past few months.

Niall seems to notice.

“Alright, here we are,” he announces excitedly as Zayn park the car, looking at Harry in the rear mirror.

“Yey,” Harry cheers and it comes out a lot less sarcastic than he expected it to. Niall grins even wider.

“Okay where are we off to first?”

“I actually wanted to get a new pair of shoes,” Zayn says as they all climb out of the car and walk across the parking lot. “But we don't have to do that first thing.”

“Good, because that's probably gonna take you only six hours or so,” he chuckles and knocks Harry's shoulder affectionately with his own. Harry grins as well.

“Shut up,” Zayn huffs, reaching across Harry to punch Niall's arm.

“Harry and I'll get milkshakes while you do that,” Niall keeps teasing and then yelps as Zayn lurches after him, leaving Harry chuckling quietly as he walks after them.

The next couple of hours they dip in and out of shops, not really looking for anything specific, but trying on some shirts and trousers and Harry lets Zayn and Niall talk him into buying some new jeans. He doesn't really need them, but it's so much fun being out with his friends again that he can't let himself ruin their fun.

When Zayn announces he wants to go look at shoes now Niall, as promised, drags Harry across the mall to their favorite milkshake place. Niall orders for the both of them and once they have their drinks they find two seats on a narrow bench in the mostly packed shop.

Niall sucks on his straw hungrily, his eyes momentarily fixed on a pair of slim and endlessly long legs that walk past. Harry takes one look at that girl's mini skirt and snorts at his friend.

“Let a man have a look,” Niall defends himself, the faintest bit of color creeping onto his cheeks. “Only because you can't appreciate some lady legs.”

Harry grins at Niall but it's fake and his heart lurches painfully. It shouldn't, he tells himself, he's over Louis. People die, or don't come back for different reasons. It's shit but it happens and Harry can deal with it. Except he can't and his heart hurts so bad he wants to rip it from his chest. _Not_ _now_ , he tells himself and stores the pain away for a later time. Probably for tonight, when he's laying in bed and crying himself to sleep again. Harry would rather not think about how many times exactly that happened since his surgery.

Niall pokes his arm and Harry blinks back into focus, giving him a crocked but still faked smile.

“We'll find you a nice boy's legs to stare at,” Niall promises with a sad smile and squeezes Harry's shoulder. Harry wants to protest, because he's not _that_ over Louis, but Niall changes the topic already again. He talks about the fountains in the main hall and drags Harry off to go look at them. Harry lets them because his thoughts are still caught with _LouisLouisLouis_.

They always are.

 _LouisLouisLouis_.

When they get to the fountains Niall texts Zayn and tells him to come meet them there so they can head back home rather soon. Zayn texts back saying ' _1 sec'_ which means he probably won't be there for the next ten minutes.

So they're just standing by the fountains and Harry is listening to Niall blabbering on about the waterworks, scanning the hall slowly. When he's turned almost completely away from Niall his eyes land on something that makes him drop his milkshake.

He faintly notices Niall cursing beside him, because he probably splashed vanilla milkshake over the both of them, but there is _Louis_ and- It's Louis. It's Louis, right there, right in front of him. And how is Harry supposed to function?

He stares, simply stares at the boy, not daring to blink, fearing that he will be gone as suddenly as he came.

And the boy is staring back, he's looking right back at him, his eyes wide like Harry's like he's not quite sure his eyes aren't betraying him. Harry can sympathies with that feeling and his eyes are starting to burn, he has to blink, it's really starting to hurt.

The time during which his eyes are closed, during which all he can see his black darkness feels longer than ever before. He almost doesn't dare to open his eyes back up, but when he does Louis is still there. He is still standing there, still only staring at him, his mouth slightly agape.

He looks good like he always does, a little tired maybe, but he's wearing tight jeans and a wonderful jacket and Harry's not sure he can take it anymore. He _just_ got over the boy and _just_ accepted the fact that he was never going to see Louis again.

And then he shows back up.

Harry has blinked four times now and Louis is still there, still staring at him, still so lovely.

“Harry,” Niall suddenly yells at him, shaking him by his shoulders. He has the faintest feeling that Niall has been talking to him all along, but Harry is not sure.

“Niall-” Harry breathes out, his voice week and his lungs feeling like they're going to collapse.

“Breathe,” Niall yelps, not shouting anymore but still shaking Harry's shoulder. He takes in a sharp breath and the burning sensation in his chest stops all the sudden, his lungs feeling more smooth all the sudden. “Keep breathing,” Niall instructs and Harry wants to laugh at him, because why wouldn't he? He wants to turn towards him, but his eyes are fixed on Louis who is _still_ there and Harry's starting to think maybe he won't leave. Maybe he's back again and maybe Harry will get to-

“Harry, are you okay?” Niall asks, stepping in front of him now and for half a second Harry's eyes lose Louis.

“Niall!” he gasps, pushing him aside. Louis is still standing there. His head is tilted to the side and he looks a little confused, curious maybe with a deep frown forming across his forehead.

“Harry what is wrong? What is happening I-”

“He's back.”

“What, Harry-”

“Louis. He's back!”

“Harry,” Niall starts, taking a deep breath. “He's- he's not back. Harry he's gone. We talked about this, he-”

“He's right there,” Harry says harshly, still unmoving but his eyes fixed on the boy who is taking a curious step towards them. “He's _there_ Niall, look.”

The fact that after two brain surgerys and several months of recovery Niall still turns around should come as a surprise to Harry, but Niall and Zayn are the best friends in the world for a reason.

“All I can see is a guy staring back at you, because he probably thinks you've gone bonkers,” Niall says mildly, putting a hand on Harry's chest as he tries to take a step forwards.

“You can see him?” Harry gasps, torn between looking at Niall but not wanting to break Louis' gaze.

“Yeah, course,” Niall says tentatively, placing his other hand on Harry's back soothingly. Harry's pushing hard against him now to get to the boy.

“Oi, what's going on here?” Zayn says as he suddenly steps between them. Harry pushes him aside because with that stupid tall quiff he can't see Louis and Zayn squawks a little at that. “Dude,” he drawls, huffing lightly.

“I don't know man, he says he's seeing Louis again,” Niall says quietly to Zayn and Harry risks one quick look at them before turning his eyes back at Louis.

“He's right there, he's- maroon jacket, black shirt, I-” Harry stops again, because Louis is walking closer now, his head still tilted, but his steps more determined.

“Ah Harry, I don't know maroon jacket guy looks a little affected by your staring, he-” Zayn starts carefully, his fingers resting against Harry's shoulder, but he stops when Harry takes two steps forward to meet Louis somewhere half way. He hesitates for a half a second, but Louis looks just as surprised as he does so all he can do is to wrap his arms around the tiny boy's frame to pull him in. Louis' arms find his way around Harry's neck right away, pulling him closer and nestling his face against Harry's neck.

“I've missed you,” is the first thing Harry says. Then “I love you,” and “Why am I seeing you again?”

Louis laughs against his neck, pushing his body even closer to Harry's. “You're a weird one,” he mumbles against Harry's skin and Harry doesn't understand the slightest bit what he's talking about but he really can't bring himself to care either.

Zayn clears his throat behind Harry's back and Niall chuckles quietly. Harry can feel Louis peek over his shoulder to take a look at them.

“I don't even care if this means there's three of those things now, I'm just so glad I have you back,” he mumbles then, and he's pressing his lips against Harry's before he can ask what Louis is even talking about.

Not that really cares right now. Not with Louis' lips finally against his again.

 

~

 

It stays great for about two more minutes. Two more minutes of blissful kissing and breathing in Louis' scent and holding his tiny body tight against Harry's taller one. Then Louis steps back a little bit to take a better look at Zayn and Niall. He's a little teary eyed, but he chuckles anyway.

“So when did you get friends?” he asks, giving Harry's side a light pinch.

“What?” Harry laughs. “These are Zayn and Niall, you know them.”

“I've never seen them,” Louis says.

“Harry, who is that?” Zayn wonders and Niall looks at Harry through squinted eyes.

“You can really _see_ him?” Harry splutters and that's where everything gets really confusing.

They all just stare at each other for the longest time. Harry's wrecking his brain, trying to come up with an explanation for all of this.

“I'm dead, aren't I?” he finally asks, speaking to no one in particular. “I died and this is my heaven. Louis a real person, meeting Zayn and Niall.” He takes a breath. “Great, I'm dead. When did I die? Did I die at the mall? Oh jez, I hope not. Mom is going to be furious with Niall and Zayn. Jesus Christ.”

Harry's not talking to anyone, but Niall is staring back at him.

“You're not dead, Harry.”

“My tumor came back, right?” he asks again, looking at the three, but they all only stare back.

“ _Your_ tumor?” Louis asks, laughing breathily. Harry, Zayn and Niall all only stare at him.

“Yeah, thanks for the sentiment, love,” Harry says, huffing at the boy, he's still holing under his arm.

“Talk about _sentiment_ , you giant,” he laughs. “You don't seem to remember but _I_ 'm the one with the tumor. With three now apparently, since I'm seeing all of you. Are you gonna be my boyfriends, too?” Louis laughs at that, grinning at the three of them with a slightly maniac look in his eyes.

“Is he okay?” Niall asks, carefully placing a protective hand on Harry's arm.

“'Course I'm not,” Louis laughs again, running a hand down his face. “I thought the tumor was gone and now Harry's back and he brought his friends, hooray!” He's fidgeting now and Harry loosens his grip around the smaller boy's shoulders.

“We're real,” Zayn says slowly, frowning at the boy.

“Of course,” Louis laughs. “That's why you're talking to the tumor.” He points at Harry.

Harry opens his mouth to say something, but it gets stuck in his throat and so he closes his mouth again.

“What the fuck is going on?” Niall asks, breaking the silence and they all just look at him like they're thinking the same exact thing.

 

~

 

When Louis breaks out in nervous hives, they decide to all sit down together and go over this calmly. At first the boy refuses to go to a cafe with them, saying he's been on enough dates with his imaginary friend. All Harry can do is stare and not understand a thing, but Niall offers to order and somehow he and Zayn are dealing best with the situation. So all Harry has to do is watch as Niall and Zayn are maneuvering them around, getting coffee orders for all of them and then sitting them down to have a chat.

The misunderstandings are endless and while Louis doesn't trust a thing Harry, Niall and Zayn say, they aren't sure how to deal with what he tells them.

Apparently he had a brain tumor and Harry was his imaginary boyfriend. When Harry tells him that it kind of was the same thing for him he only gets a snort in response.

“Yeah, sure.”

“No, it really was!”

They each tell their stories which scarily enough line up perfectly so they only sit and stare at each other, trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.

“I don't get it,” Louis says and he still looks apprehensive to believe anything Harry – or Niall or Zayn – is saying. “Did you like, steal my medical chart? Is this some joke or? Because it's not funny.”

“No, I-” Harry breathes, looking down at his hands. The fact that Louis won't believe a single thing he's saying is really starting to get to him. “Don't I- don't I look exactly like I looked before? Because, well, you look the exact same. And.. I don't think anybody could have copied that, just like.” He shrugs. Louis' eyes are wide.

“He told us everything about you,” Zayn says from the side, making Louis turn his head. “Literally _everything_. I still would have never recognized you. I mean.. now that I see you – God, this is so strange – but like. Now that I _know_ it's you, you do look like he said. But I never imagined you to look like.. this.” He motions up and down Louis' body and the smaller boy raises an eyebrow at him.

“I sure hope that's a compliment.”

“Absolutely,” Zayn says not all that sincerely but with a grin and Louis gives him a foul look, but he's secretly amused, Harry knows. Just like he thought, Zayn and Louis get on perfectly.

They sit in silence for a while before Louis leans over towards Harry a bit and lowers his voice to a whisper.

“When Zayn says you told them everything. Does he mean _everything_?”

Harry blushes at that and Louis laughs and Niall and Zayn look majorly uncomfortable.

“When I say _everything_ I mean a lot more than I wanted to know and that I sure hope there isn't more. And now there's images in my head, great thanks,” Zayn answers for Harry and Louis laughs again.

Harry finishes in coffee and they sit again for a while before Niall fiddles with his phone.

“Er,” he begins, looking uncomfortable “I know this is probably a bad time and all, but Harry your mom keeps texting, wondering when we're gonna be back. We're like.. over an hour late, so..” he trails off and Harry looks at Louis, who only gaping at him.

“You have _parents_?” he asks then and Harry laughs.

“Of course I do, weirdo,” he replies but then realizes that this means Louis probably has parents as well and maybe siblings or friends and that he'll have to meet them and it's all a bit much.

“We'll wait outside, yeah,” Zayn supplies and Harry looks up at them and suddenly they're both wearing their coats already, walking out of the little coffee shop.

“Right,” Louis says, making Harry turn back around to look at him. “So, er,” he laughs. “This is a little weird, but like.. we should go out some time?” Harry laughs as well.

“You're right, this is weird. But, er, give me your number and I'll, like, call or something,” he supplies and Louis grins and nods. They exchange numbers and then pull on their coats as well, slowly trailing after Zayn and Niall.

The two are waiting outside, a couple of stores down from the coffee shop.

“So, er,” Louis says, faintly pointing in the opposite direction. “I'm off then, I guess.”

“I'll call,” Harry promises and Louis grins again. They just stand there for a while and it's so weird, Harry thinks, because they should be kissing, they just got each other back and maybe he'll wake up tomorrow and find out that all of this was a dream, but the thought of pulling Louis close to lock their lips together feels unnaturally weird. They're in public and people can see both him _and_ Louis and this is new.

Louis looks sheepish and grins a little before pressing a soft kiss to Harry's cheek and then he's spinning around and walking off to leave Harry standing there like a school girl who just got her first kiss.

That's what it feels like at least.

 

~

 

The next morning Harry wakes up and just sits in his bed for a very long moment. He's staring at the shelf right across his bed, his eyes unfocused and his mid racing at the speed of light.

_Louis Louis Louis._

He saw _Louis_ yesterday.

His heart rate is picking up and the giddy feeling in his stomach reminds him of falling in love. Maybe he is falling in love with Louis all over again. For _real_ this time.

When he finally manages to blink himself back into reality and to stop thinking about chatting with Louis all afternoon yesterday and then texting all night, he manages to hop into the shower already crafting the perfect not creepy yet affectionate 'good morning' text for Louis. When he gets out of the bathroom though he has to find that Louis beat him to that.

 

_'heyy mornin. so this is a little awks but can u send me a pic? of yourself? cause i told my mom i saw u again and now she's bout to put me back into the hospita ahah x'_

 

Harry grins at the screen and chuckles a bit. He himself had been very careful the night before to not let his mom get the slightest idea that something was off. He told her that they went to see a movie and that's why they were out for longer than expected and then locked himself in his room before his mom could comment on the stupidly wide grin on his face.

Now he's taking a quick look at himself in the mirror, his skin still wet from the shower, a towel slung low around his hips.

 

_'just got out of the shower. u wanna pic of that? :P x'_

 

He sends the texts, grinning even wider than before and starting to dry himself off with the towel and the slowly pulling some clothes on. He's back in the bathroom trying to control his now fully grown back curls when he hears his phone beep with a new message.

 

_'im supposed to show it to my MOM harold, behave!'_

 

Harry grins at the response and doesn't even dare think about how absolutely nothing changed between them. It should be a lot more awkward he thinks, because this is not just a head tumor Louis anymore; this is a real Louis whom his friend have seen, but somehow it's exactly the same. It's absolutely amazing.

The excited glimpse still in his eyes he takes the phone into the bathroom in front of the mirror and takes a picture of himself in his school clothes (and he totally doesn't take twelve pictures before he finds one he deems okay enough to sent to Louis, he does _not_ ).

 

_'now u send one to, im gonna see liam today then I can tell him :) x'_

 

He attaches the picture to the message and sends it just before grabbing his back and heading downstairs for breakfast with his mom. She made some toast and eggs and Harry sits and eats hungrily as she drinks her tea.

“Are you going to see Dr. Payne today?”

“Uhu,” Harry hums in reply. Nodding his head lightly and checking his phone under the table. “Are you taking the car today?”

“Yes, I was going to. Do you need-”

“Not, it's fine,” Harry waves her off. “I'll ask Zayn to take me,” he says and his mom nods. Zayn has been taking him to Liam's office after school more often that not it seems like. Right after his surgery Harry had had appointments with Liam three times a week and then they gradually got less as time passed and Harry felt better. Now they're down to once a week but Harry thinks maybe with Louis being back now he won't have to go for much longer.

He's _fine_ now after all.

 

~

 

The school day drags on and other than texting Louis all day long there aren't a lot of interesting things going on. Louis had send a picture back just after Harry's first class started. Harry had to take a moment to just stare, to admire because Louis was truly beautiful and it had been so _long_. Except Harry had just seen him the day before, but he was already missing him like crazy.

Attached to Louis' picture there had been a message, his cheeky tone laced through the words written.

 

_'right so thats my beautiful face. anyway u still got that shower shot? for like.. future reference. tonigt or something (; (;'_

 

Harry had grinned but only rolled his eyes, trying to hide the message from Niall's curious looks.

 

_'im not about to start sexting u in class, love. xx'_

 

He tried to ease some of the tension away with his message, because he could clearly feel his body telling him he'd much rather be sexting this majorly attractive boy than to be paying attention to Algebra 2.

 

_'classes dont start till 10 for me. everything is better in college hah!!!'_

 

_'anyway u wouldnt be like.. mad or anything if i sent u a cockshot yeh? xxxxxxxx'_

 

The two messages arrived shortly after another and Harry only gulped. Niall gave him a funny look, wiggling his eyebrows inappropriately.

 

_'turning my phone off now lewis, gotta take my edication seriously. text u tonight!! xx'_

 

And that was that.

Now that Zayn is driving him to Liam's office Harry dares switching his phone back on, bracing himself for the flood of messages Louis left.

 

_'looks like u really need some work on ur edication haha. edIcation!!'_

 

_'harryyyyyy. u didnt really turn u phone of yeh?'_

 

_'fine, here is a cockshot. study hard xxx'_

 

There is a picture attached to the last message but Harry is absolutely not about to open it with Zayn in the car next to him. There is a light blush on his cheeks though and Zayn must noticed how flustered he is, because he only grins.

“Is he being naughty? Texting you naughty things?” he asks and when Harry only blushes a deeper shade of red he laughs. “You two, seriously,” he chuckles some more. “You basically only met _yesterday_ and now you're going at it while you're in the car with your best mate.”

“Don't act like you haven't done worse things while Niall or I were in the same car,” Harry shoots back, his cheeks still a light shade of crimson.

Zayn smirks. “Just saying,” he adds then and Harry huffs at him.

“Alright then,” Zayn says a moment later, pulling up on front of the building with Liam's office. It looks the same as always and has an oddly homey atmosphere to Harry.

“Thanks for taking me,” Harry says, gathering his bag and his jacket.

“Not problem. You gonna need a ride back?”

“Might text my mom,” Harry says tilting his head to the side.

“Okay, well just let me know. Good luck telling Liam.” He gives Harry a smile. “I'll see you tomorrow then, yeah?”

“Yeah, okay. See you,” Harry says, climbing out of the car and shutting the door behind him, giving Zayn a half wave as he drives off.

 

~

 

Harry thought long and hard about how he wants to tell Liam. He really really doesn't want to appear crazy, but he has Niall and Zayn as witnesses and a picture of Louis saved on his phone. Liam can't _not_ believe him, he thinks.

So he's sitting in the waiting room in front of Liam's office, his assistant giving him a warm smile when Harry won't stop fidgeting with his phone, shifting from one side to another nervously. As soon as Liam opens the door the his office Harry jumps right up, balling his hands up in fits in an effort to calm himself down.

Calm, _calm_ , he tells himself. He doesn't want to rush anythi-

“Louis is back!” he outright shouts at Liam, snapping his mouth shut right away, but unable to fight the excited sparkle in his eyes.

Liam halts in his tracks, looking at Harry with wide eyes. “What?” he asks back, just like Harry ignoring any form of greeting and getting right to the topic at hand.

“I met him, like, properly _met_ him. At the mall. Yesterday and, and Niall and Zayn were they saw him. He really was there!” Harry rushes out, breathing excitedly as Liam only blinks at him slowly. He motions for Harry to take a seat but the younger boy is too excited, shifting around on the couch nervously.

“I have a picture, too,” he says when he realizes that Liam doesn't seem as excited as he'd like him to be. “I can show you. He's proper real this time. You can meet him!” He's fumbling with his phone already, scrolling through his pictures to find the one Louis sent him.

“Here, look,” he shoves the phone in front of Liam's face. “He's real. That's him, this morning. But he just- he looks exactly like he did yesterday. It's _him_!” Harry's face is glowing and he can't help the smile that's spreading across his face. Liam still looks majorly unimpressed. He studies the picture for a while and then gives Harry a long look.

“You never mentioned he had tattoos,” Liam says after a long pause, his voice calm in a very shrinky way. Liam isn't usually shrinky with Harry and it worries him.

“Well I.. No, I didn't. I just..” he shrugs. So Louis has tattoos, no big deal. Or is it, Harry wonders as Liam just keeps looking at him with curious eyes.

“He doesn't look all that short either.”

Harry grins. “He's gonna love hearing that,” he says with a laugh, pulling his legs up on the couch and underneath his body. “He is though, _tiny_ that is. He's at least a head shorter than me.”

Liam hums in reply, taking one last look at the picture on Harry's phone and then handing it back.

“He looks different from what I though he'd look like,” Liam says, his face carefully neutral.

“Yeah, Zayn said the same thing. He meant it in a good way though, I think,” Harry adds when Liam's face twists up in half a grimace and Harry doesn't know how to read the expression. Liam stays quiet for a long while afterwards and Harry just sits there, looking at him curiously. The therapist certainly doesn't look happy enough in Harry's opinion.

“Aren't you happy for me?” Harry asks and as he says it, it sounds a little weird even to him, because Liam is his doctor not his friend. But then again, they've spent so much time in therapy sessions together already, he's sure he can expect a little more reaction out of Liam.

“I just..” Liam starts, hesitating for a moment. “Isn't it a huge coincidence that he first was your hallucination and now he's.. _real_?”

“It gets even weirder than that,” Harry says and then explains all about Louis' brain tumor and about how their stories line up perfectly. Liam listens to everything that Harry has to say, his eyes staying attentive, but the corners of his lips tugging down slowly as Harry speaks.

Once Harry has finished his story they leap into silence again and Liam just looks at him, his eyes squinting like he's in pain.

“Harry,” he starts and it sounds breathless. It sounds exactly the way he sounded when he told Harry about the tumor in the first place. He takes a deep breath. “Have you ever thought that.. this story might be a bit too good to be true?”

Harry only blinks at him. “No. Just- no. It's not. Louis is _real_.”

Liam looks even sadder.

“He is real, Liam. He _is_! I have a photo, you can call him. You can meet him! He really is real.” Harry is breathing harder now, from talking fast and getting angry. Louis really is real, Liam should trust Harry to know the difference.

“Harry,” Liam says again, placing a comforting hand on Harry's knee. “I don't doubt that the boy in the picture is real. But.. is it really Louis?”

“Of course,” Harry breaths, but Liam ignores him.

“Are you sure he looks exactly like him? Because there are just a few things- I mean, _Harry_ , he's plastered with tattoos and you never cared to mention that? He looks not nearly as tiny as you said he was and neither your friends nor me imagined him to looks anything like he does. Doesn't that seem a little.. off?”

“No. No!” Harry says again, louder this time and more determinedly. “He _is_ real. He knows our story and I'm not going to let you ruin this for me.”

“That's not what I'm trying to do, and you know it, Harry. I'm just looking out for you.” Liam squeezes his knee and gives him a small smile. He looks tired, like he can't quite comprehend why Harry relapsed again.

“He really is real this time, Liam,” Harry says quietly, feeling like he disappointed the man. “I'm gonna bring him. You can talk to him, I swear- he just knows _everything_. Please, Liam.”

They stare at each other for a very long moment and Harry schools his face to look not quite as desperate and close to tears as he feels. After another long moment Liam gives his knee one last squeeze and pulls his hand back, but nods.

“Okay. Let my assistant give you another appointment. Preferably this week. And then bring.. Louis.” He doesn't look particularly happy about how their meeting ends, but Harry gives him a small smile anyways.

“Thanks, Liam. He'll be there. You'll see,” he promises before he leaves and gets another appointment for Thursday afternoon.

 

~

 

That same evening after Harry had gotten home and finished most of his homework, he sprawls out on the bed, his fingers resting lazily against the touch screen of his phone. He's scrolling through his contacts, until he lands on Louis. He hesitates for a moment, but finally pushes the call button and presses the phone up to his ear.

“So did you like the pic?” Louis asks as a form of greeting and Harry has to laugh. The _picture_ Louis sent him, that he still hadn't dared to open.

“Err, haven't looked at it yet,” Harry confesses, laughing quietly.

“Boring,” Louis complains, laughing along with Harry. “It's not really a.. cockshot though. You know that, right?”

“'Course,” Harry mumbles, feeling a little relieved and oddly disappointed.

“Wouldn't want to scare you away too quickly,” Louis says as a form of explanation, a smirk evident in his voice.

“Yeah, right,” Harry agrees, grinning as well. “Talking about scaring me away, I might just have to scare you away,” he starts carefully, remembering the appointment with Liam on Thursday. Louis hums curiously, prompting him to go on. “I, err.. I know I should probably take you out on a fancy date or something before I spring this on you, but.. Can you come meet my therapist?”

“Your therapist?” Louis asks, curios rather than put off.

“Yeah, well, he thinks you're not you. Like I asked some random dude to pretend to be my Louis. Too good to be true and all that,” he explains awkwardly.

“Feels like it, doesn't it?” Louis asks back a little more quietly than before.

“Hm?” Harry hums back, rolling onto his side.

“Too good to be true. You and I.. meeting again and all that.”

“Yeah, a bit,” Harry agrees and they stay quiet for a bit. It's a lot less awkward than it should be hearing Louis breath on the other end of the line but not talking for a few long moments.

“Did you say _my_ Louis?” the older boy asks out of nowhere after a while, startling Harry a bit.

“Err,” he coughs. “No, I'm sure I just said Louis,” he adds, blushing a bit and glad that Louis can't see.

“No I think you said my Louis. Pretty sure.”

“You must have heard wrong,” Harry tells him, trying to sound as earnest as possible, but Louis sounds so smitten by the idea that maybe it's okay.

“Whatever you say, love,” Louis gives in, but he still sounds fond and they both know that Louis is _his_ Louis.

“So when is the therapist thing then?” Louis asks again, and Harry rolls back onto his back.

“Thursday. At five. Is that okay with you?”

“Sure,” Louis mumbles and Harry hears him shuffling around a bit.

“We could do dinner afterwards?” he suggests shyly and the shuffling in the background stops momentarily.

“Yes, 'course,” Louis agrees after a pause, a grin in his voice. “That sounds perfect.”

 

~

 

On Thursday during lunch Harry thinks he should have just stayed home. He's too nervous about the rest of the day to even pay attention during class and now sitting with Zayn and Niall is only making things worse.

“Isn't it so weird? Not counting Sunday at the mall, you haven't seen him in like half a year. And now you're meeting him at your therapist's, like.. Aren't you nervous or something?” Niall asks and only makes it about fourtyeight times worse.

By the time school is over Harry is a right mess and thankful for Niall and Zayn walking him home. Niall keeps trying to open his mouth to say something but Zayn jabs his elbow in Niall's ribs every single time to keep him from making Harry even more nervous. And if Harry didn't feel like this was the day of his conviction already he'd probably appreciate Zayn's efforts a lot more.

Niall and Zayn stay over to do their homework together. Harry can't really concentrate on anything but Niall let's him copy the correct answers just so he's busy doing something.

At half four they all climb into Zayn's car together and first drop Niall off before Zayn takes Harry to Liam's office. Once they get there Louis is already waiting outside, looking up and down the street nervously.

Harry catches Zayn staring for a moment and lifts an eyebrow at him.

“It's just so weird so _see_ him, you know,” the boy mumbles, looking half ashamed before he gives Harry's shoulder a push. “And now _go_ , get him.”

Harry grins and rolls his eyes as he climbs out, waving at Zayn before he takes a few careful steps towards Louis.

“Hey there,” the older boy greets, leaning up to press a soft kiss against Harry's cheek. Harry tries to hide his blush and lowers his eyes, letting Louis reach for his hands tentatively. Their pinkies intertwine and Louis tugs him forward carefully.

“Hey,” Harry mumbles back, looking up to meet Louis' eyes, a faint blush still lingering on his cheeks. “'m glad you came.”

“I said I would,” Louis says easily, like it's the most natural thing in the world to go to Harry's therapist with him. Harry leans into him a bit, intertwining all of their fingers now and squeezing Louis' hand.

“So, er, what will I.. Like, what will I have to do , I-” Louis hesitates, biting his lip for a moment. Harry only shrugs at him.

“Don't know really. Just.. be there. Liam is probably going to have questions, but just.. answer them. It's not like it's a test or anything.”

“Kind of feels like one,” Louis admits, pressing closer to Harry.

“But you studied hard,” Harry grins at him. “You know all about what he's gonna ask. You were _there_.”

“But what if I don't? What if I.. I don't know, just panic or something? What if he says that I'm not.. me? And that you shouldn't see me again? What are you-”

“Then it doesn't matter at all,” Harry interrupts him, letting go of his hand and pulling him in for a hug. “I'm gonna thank Liam for his insight and advice, put that doesn't mean that I'm going to take it. No matter what Liam says, you're still going to be my Louis.”

Louis pulls back a little at that, looking Harry directly in the eyes. He's smiling and his eyes are bright and the usual perfect shade of blue, sparkling at Harry.

“You'll still love me?” he asks, hopeful and quiet.

“Of course,” Harry answers, pressing a kiss to Louis' forehead.

 

~

 

In the end the meeting with Liam goes a lot better than Harry could have expected. Liam welcomes them professionally and talks honestly with them, keeping the atmosphere light even though the topic is incredibly heavy, like Harry is used to from his previous meetings.

Louis is sitting next to him and seems to relax more and more as they talk, even as Liam asks him questions. He's halfway through most of them before either he or Harry even realize they're being quizzed. The questions are just so simple, asking about their relationship and how they met that it feels more like Liam's honestly interested, rather than trying to find a reason to do them apart.

As their meeting progresses Liam begins to look more and more lost and Harry thinks it's probably because he's starting to figure out that Louis is the exact same boy Harry has been telling him about all those months ago. And he probably has just as little of an explanation for all of the things that happened as they do.

In the end he gives Harry another appointment for the next week and bits the both farewell without much of a comment, but he looks so kind and his eyes are so bright that Harry isn't too worried about their meeting the next week.

Harry and Louis leave and as promised Harry takes him out to eat afterwards, just down the block at a lovely little diner where they both eat burgers and fries, talking quietly.

“It didn't go too bad, did it?” Louis asks as he swirls the straw through his drink, looking directly at Harry.

“No, I don't think so. Liam is probably just as confused as we are.”

“Well, he should be. This is still kind of weird somehow. Like, I feel like I know everything about you, but then again we kind of just met. And here am I feeling this strongly about you, not even knowing your mom's name. 's just.. Weird, right?”

“Yeah, it kinda is,” Harry agrees, smiling fondly at the boy across from him. He pauses for a moment and then sets down his burger before he speaks again. “My mom's name is Anne. My dad is.. not important. But I have a step dad, Robin, and he's great. And then there's my sister Gemma. She's great too, but she's off to college at the moment. But, like.. if you wanted to come, er, meet my mom and well, Robin? They should be home tonight, if.. I mean only if you're ready to tell the whole long story again already.”

He smiles shyly up at Louis, but the other boy is grinning widely, hooking his foot around Harry's ankle underneath the table.

“I'd love to,” he says.

They finish up their meal and Louis scowls playfully for a while, but lets Harry pay for the both of them. When they step outside Harry curls their hands together and pulls Louis with him, deciding to walk back home just so he gets to spend a little more time with Louis by himself before he'll have to share him again.

Because as expected once they make it back to Harry's house and Harry introduces Louis to his mom and Robin who are sitting on the couch, watching some show on the TV, there are millions of questions and Robin mostly just stares while his mom won't stop talking.

Harry is embarrassed by it all, but Louis is great, answering all her questions patiently, subtly mentioning that they've both been to meet Dr. Payne and that they have his blessing (well kinda, or well, they will have; probably) so that she shouldn't be worried about anything.

After thirty minutes of Q&A Harry's mom seems to be all out of questions, just staring at the two boys, her mouth hanging half open. Harry takes the opportunity to grab Louis' hand to drag him along as he shuffles out of the room, muttering a quick “we'll be upstairs if you need us,” before they're both gone from the living room, stumbling up the stairs and into Harry's bedroom.

“That didn't go too bad either, yeah?” Louis asks when they're both lying on the bed, their shoulders touching.

“Nope,” Harry agrees, rolling to his side and propping his head up on his arm to look down at the smaller boy. “We're just _that_ great at telling our story.”

“ _Our story_ ,” Louis repeats, rolling his eyes and poking Harry's stomach. “Now you're just being sappy.”

Harry laughs. “Well I'm sorry, I'm just a little excited to have you back is all.”

“ _Excited_ , huh?” Louis asks lowly, shifting a little closer towards Harry and placing one of his hands on the small strip of exposed skin where Harry's shirt rode up a bit. “Haven't gotten to see any of _that_ yet.” Harry automatically leans into the touch, closer towards Louis, tilting his hips up a bit. He lets Louis pull him closer until their mouths line up perfectly and are working in a nice rhythm against each other. Louis shifts some more to pull Harry on top of him, his fingers digging deep into Harry's hips.

The younger boy laughs and pulls back for a moment. “Maybe not with my mom and step dad downstairs,” he whispers, pressing his lips against the shell of Louis' ear in a way that's way too sexual to be convincing.

“I can be quiet,” Louis whispers as he brings their lips back together and Harry has to laugh into the kiss.

“Love, I _know_ you can't be quiet,” he tells him softly, still on top of Louis and their chest still pressed together closely.

“Okay, tomorrow then,” Louis breathes, his lips traveling along Harry's jaw and then down his neck. “I'll take you out. And then you can learn all about _my_ family.”

Harry wants to say something back, but Louis' lips are back on his and so he only hums in agreement, finding Louis' hand with his own and pining them down next to the younger boy's head. In return Louis pushes playfully up against him, biting his lip a bit before he lets his tongue dart out to tease Harry's mouth. Harry can't help but growl and bite back carefully, sucking Louis' tongue into his mouth and pressing his hips down harder to trap the smaller boy underneath him.

“Please,” Louis gasps as Harry pushes down, and from what Harry can feel digging against his thigh they might not be waiting until tomorrow.

But that's okay. Because it's _Louis_.

It has always been.

And it always will be.

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think??? Feedback is always welcome!!
> 
> Kind of Disclaimer: I am aware that this doesn't make sense, isn't realistic and more likely than not is medically highly inaccurate and just no. But also you're all not here to get a medical degree, neither did I call for a reality check, so don't bother elaborating on how this doesn't makes sense. Thanks!
> 
> Find me on -----> hannahazza.tumblr.com


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